.::Random::.

i hope no one is reading this right now, such a shame that my 1st entry after such a long hiatus has to be an emo one...

for the longest time, i had been stuck in this situation, i tried ways to get out of it but i can't. maybe i am incompetent enough, maybe i am just not capable of doing anything decent.

all i want is an opportunity to prove my worth... i tried plan A thrice and not even once did i succeed. i tried to go for plan B countless times since Aug/Sep 2009, but for the past half year, i did not even have the chance to execute plan B. what went wrong, i really dunno. i was disheartened, but i chose to carry on trying because i really believe, one day, my time to shine will come.

for the past 2 days, i tried to think positively so that i can have the strength to carry on, it worked. but just for 2 days. i was still patting myself on the back for the great effort put in. today, everything came crashing down again... all the walls i had painstakingly built up got destroyed in just that short moment. it hurts as much as having your heart broken; the dull ache in your heart, the tear streaks on one's face and the same helplessness...

i've learnt that i gotta fight this battle alone because no one else understands... yes, sad to say, not even you... maybe i can't blame you cause you really don't have the time... we had both underestimated the game of life, we both need more at the same time and yet we can't give more.

my decision right now is to shut you off for the time being with regards to my negativity, perhaps i will be back when i have the emotional capability to bring back positivity to your life :) this is the best isn't it, it's sorta like status quo whereby you have no time for my negativity so whether you know it or not, there will be not much difference... in return, you get to stay focused and perhaps it might help you 2 years later whereby you won't end up to be in the same situation as me now. i will miss you but i need to be strong for the sake of everything.