.::SuIcIdAL::.

hiyaz diary...

ever since the chalet, i have been having this attitude problem with everyone and even myself... haiz... i do not really about care about people's feelings anymore... i dun care if i m being mean or whatever... i juz wanna be bad and mean and alone... sighz... i dun wan to be lidat... i dun wan... but i can't help it...

after the chalet, i m supposed to work... i dunno wad i m thinking but i keep screwing up the whole night... people talk to me i m stoning and dun even noe they are talking to me... i poured the wrong drinks into the wrong glasses... everytime somebody talks, i keep thinking it's him... and then i will realise it's not him talking... argh~ i almost went crazy that day... everyone i see, i feel like they looks like him... oh god...

monday supposed to work also but i noe i didnt really have the mood so i juz found a replacement... and stoned at home... my heart was aching... i dunno how is that possible but it really hurts... cried for an hour in the shower... then began having suicidal thoughts... thinking of how good it would be if i can juz cut myself and let the pain in my heart subside... juz focus on the pain on my hand... but, i know it's wrong... i m already a lucky and blessed enough girl and i dun need those crap to make myself feel better... sighz...

shan't say much le ba... bubbye...

[I cAn'T bLaMe U fOr NoT bEiNg AbLe To FoRgEt HeR JuZ LiKe U cAn'T bLaMe Me FoR nOt BeInG aBLe To GeT oVeR yOu...]