hiyaz diary...
still in the stupid mood right now... mummy said one sentence to me this noon... which sorta snapped me awake but still, i can't stop feeling sad... she said, look at you now, a bit of liveliness also dun have... it hurts when she said it... but i know it's true... and at that point, i was thinking to myself, i do not want things to be like this too... i do not want to live like a zombie too... but sometimes, things juz happen and i can't pretend that i m not affected... was filled with helplessness as i heard her say that... i dunno wad i can do to snap out of this... i do not want to resort to silly means again... i promised myself and a fren before... all i want is a way to numb everything... to forget everything... i cry juz so that i am able to sleep... otherwise, i can't get to sleep at all... for the first time in 17 years, i cried 5 times in a day yesterday as memories flooded me with everything i do... while watching tv, the scenes triggered off memories of the past... while eating, they keep coming back too... was alone at home last night... sat at the storeroom and stone till i cry yet again... i dunno wad is wrong anymore... i tried drinking so that i can sleep and forget about everything for the time being... but i didn't sleep till some time later... gonna say something childish... i wished i can juz sleep and never wake up... or maybe wake up one month later when things might have been better...
angry at myself... i told myself some time ago i wun get my hopes high so that i wun get too sad when the time comes... i told myself i can deal with it... i told myself i will be able to handle it so that it wun affect my life... i told myself life still goes on no matter what... but now that it had happened, i am still the wimp and the useless girl... although it had happened once, i still let it happen a second time... and the worse thing is i know it beforehand... i had expected it to happen... but still, i chose to let it happen... it takes 2 hands to clap... if i had curbed my feelings, things will not be like it is now! but what's the use of saying that over and over again... it's getting old and boring... not to mention irritating... i want to sleep
ThE GrEaTeSt ReGrEtS iN oUr LivEs ArE ThE RiskS wE diD nOT TakE. If U ThiNk SOmEtHing wILL MakE u haPPy, GO FOR IT. ReMemBer ThaT wE pAsS ThIS WaY OnLy OncE. Bottom-line : Time doesn't wait. If you think you might have found the right one, treasure the person, don't let that person get away. Don't let fear hold You back. Give it a try else you might regret later... "No one other than ourselves know what can truly make us happy."
:)
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