.::RaNdOm ThOuGhTs::.

hiyaz diary...

random thoughts are flooding my mind, had to find a place to "pen" it down... dun ask me why i got so many random thoughts especially on friday nights, i dunno too... =x

in uni, i think there's too much people... so much so that i felt like i dunno who i am anymore... felt as if i had lost my identity or maybe i didn't even had one in the first place... no one will really bother to know about u... no one knows who u really are...

i had always been one who likes to fade into the background... whether is it in sec sch, jc or uni... izzit my character/personality or izzit just that i am overshadowed?

maybe i had not done enough or maybe i didn't take the first step out... i did try... i really did... but somehow, i was denied the chance... tuition seemed to be tying me down... i really dunno why everything seems to clash with my tuition... i really regret for missing the o camp because of tuition...

that day, my only remaining tuition kid made me so mad!!! whatever work i gave her do, she shakes her head... gave me the grumpy face and making irritating grumbling noises... i tried to pacify her by giving her simpler work to do first then proceed to harder ones... but she dun even wanna do the simple ones... asked her what she's unhappy about she also dun wanna say... just sit there and waste my time... sometimes she will start crying when i nv even scolded her before cause i dun believe in scolding them...

THIS IS NOT THE 1ST TIME ALREADY!!! it's such a waste of my time can! especially when i sacrificed other things for tuition and it's not a productive tuition at all!!!

last time, the problem i had is them not doing their homework ALL THE TIME when i already gave very very little homework when they kept complaining they had a lot of school work and no time...

honestly, sometimes, these kids dun even want to help themselves, i really wonder why i am "wasting" my time lidat and not doing things i should have done without all these tuition... WHY?

but it's all too late now for regrets... too too late

i think i am starting to portray an image of anti-social to 2 particular person... how ah... although i dun even know them well and so i shouldn't care too much what they think about me... somehow, i know our paths dun cross and we will never get to be good friends... but still, i dunno why it bothers me so much...

haha suddenly i think i am ranting all this because i am lonely... the rude awakenment...

i admit i had been feeling that ever since uni started in august... it was evident to me in the first few weeks of school but slowly, i learnt to suppress it and not to acknowledge it... but on a night like this, it just dawned on me again unexpectedly... i really miss my bestie and my sec sch + jc friends alot alot...

listening to this song iris now... there's 2 parts that goes "just want you to know who i am" & "you bleed just to know you are alive"

for those who watched world trade centre, one of the stuck man said pain is good, pain is ur friend cause it means u are alive...

how true ya... but isn't it kinda sad that u only knew u exist and that u are still breathing when u felt pain... i guess that's one of the reason why people will become victims of cutting, eating problems and stuff lidat...

shan't say much anymore, it's getting rather heavy as compared to the previous light-hearted entry... haa... nitey...