just some photos from last week...
at timbre bar, the drinks and garlic bread
outside my house around early evening 5 plus, i dunno that's the sun or moon, just very fascinated by it...
the 6 souffle balls me and wq finished off at crystal jade... =x
oh wells, it's the weekend again...
[WARNING: dun read further if u dun like reading nonsensical stuff]
we had good times once ya? but now everything seems to have changed... izzit me or izzit u?
dunno what i am getting mad at u for every week? is it at u, at me, at the event or just everything?
angry at u for leaving me just lidat?
angry at myself for being not good enough? for not having an interesting life enough so i can be independent... u always seemed to be busy with so many plans... while i seemed like a no lifer... and that made me felt so lonely... cause it seems like everyone is enjoying life while i dunno what i am doing with mine... i just felt so inferior... i am so afraid of being an embarrassment to u... u dun ever knew this do u?
i know u need ur personal space... not trying to controlling u or what... u can do whatever u want with whoever u want and wherever it is... all i want is just the truth earlier? so i dun need to feel left out in the middle of nowhere... boredom and loneliness gets to me everytime...
i realized it's hard for u to balance everything... ur friends and me... i wished i can help u, but it's beyond me... am i expecting too much from u? maybe i should be more understanding towards u on this ya...
am i pressurizing u too much by always mentioning those 2 words? i didn't meant to... maybe i am selfish, but saying that is just one way to help me deal with all this more easily... i said it hoping it will help the sadness and heartaches to go away... saying it hoping that u will reassure me that we will be fine... it seemed like the easier way out though not the best... but i can truly say i never once meant it... i know it's too late, i already hurt u with my words... aren't we all lidat? asking for forgiveness only when we had done smth wrong and regretting it... but the harm is already being done...
it's just so tiring for the same thing to happen every week... i am even starting to wonder why am i making such a nuisance of myself in front of u and for everybody...
u can't imagine the hurt i felt so dun say sorry cause what i want is not that...
partly it's my fault cause who ask me to be so stubborn right and can't let go of the past... but i can only say it's easy to forgive but not easy to forget... u can't undo something just lidat... i am not that type of person that forgets easily, sad to say...
as time goes by, i felt more and more distant from u... this shouldn't be the case isn't it? i dun want things to end up lidat... i dun want... but i am really at a loss on what to do to salvage the whole thing...
it's ironic that we seldom quarrel in the past and yet something so minor can flip our world upside down... i think this is the part that i am most unwilling to acknowledge... hao3 bu4 gan1 yuan4...
can't emphasize enough what i want is not u having to stop doing what u like because of me... all i want is just honesty... and i believed yesterday was perfectly fine... just that today everything went wrong again... i am not trying to control u or what but rather i just hope for a bit of respect and ur sensitive-ness to my feelings...
too tired to continue typing... it's like 4 plus in the morning already... think stop here ba...
just wished things can go back to how it was originally... simple and happy... please dun give up on me hao ma..?
nitey...
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