.::HaPpY bIrThDaY wEiLe::.

hiyaz diary...

today weile's birthday... happy birthday~ school was tiring today... seems to have overdosage of chem... >_< shan't elaborate much la...

then went tm to celebrate his birthday... ate dinner... then took cab back with weile... then he told me quite some things ba... and i realised he is really quite different person from everyone... dunno how to say also ba...

haha talk about tuesday~ back track... went to subway with jo for dinner la... and i think we really talk until forget time... reach subway at 5.30pm... by the time we look at clock again it's 8pm le... talk like hell but enjoyable! and the tuna sub is so nice!!! haha i realised almost every entry will have some mention of subway... =p

okiez... this week had been =(... dunno how to say... suan le~ off to watch tv...

.::LeT mE sLeEp FoReVeR::.

hiyaz diary...

still in the stupid mood right now... mummy said one sentence to me this noon... which sorta snapped me awake but still, i can't stop feeling sad... she said, look at you now, a bit of liveliness also dun have... it hurts when she said it... but i know it's true... and at that point, i was thinking to myself, i do not want things to be like this too... i do not want to live like a zombie too... but sometimes, things juz happen and i can't pretend that i m not affected... was filled with helplessness as i heard her say that... i dunno wad i can do to snap out of this... i do not want to resort to silly means again... i promised myself and a fren before... all i want is a way to numb everything... to forget everything... i cry juz so that i am able to sleep... otherwise, i can't get to sleep at all... for the first time in 17 years, i cried 5 times in a day yesterday as memories flooded me with everything i do... while watching tv, the scenes triggered off memories of the past... while eating, they keep coming back too... was alone at home last night... sat at the storeroom and stone till i cry yet again... i dunno wad is wrong anymore... i tried drinking so that i can sleep and forget about everything for the time being... but i didn't sleep till some time later... gonna say something childish... i wished i can juz sleep and never wake up... or maybe wake up one month later when things might have been better...

angry at myself... i told myself some time ago i wun get my hopes high so that i wun get too sad when the time comes... i told myself i can deal with it... i told myself i will be able to handle it so that it wun affect my life... i told myself life still goes on no matter what... but now that it had happened, i am still the wimp and the useless girl... although it had happened once, i still let it happen a second time... and the worse thing is i know it beforehand... i had expected it to happen... but still, i chose to let it happen... it takes 2 hands to clap... if i had curbed my feelings, things will not be like it is now! but what's the use of saying that over and over again... it's getting old and boring... not to mention irritating... i want to sleep

.::StUpId DaY::.

hiyaz diary...

i hate my mood right now... =( everything juz sucked... maybe i not in a position to complain but juz can't help feeling like shit inside... i hope the feeling goes away soon... i juz wanna clear my mind and not think about anything... but everything juz keep coming... only can say what the shit~

went subway after school again with jo and maly... but even subway didn't cheer me up this time... =( i wished i dun have to lie to somebody... argh~

.::StOrIeS aNd QuOtEs::.

hiyaz diary...

wrote this story some time ago... decided to post it... also got some quotes from last time...

This is the story of a guy and a gal... It all started with a simple frenship between classmates... On the first day of sec sch, he saw her and she saw him... Their eyes met, they smiled and turned away... Little did they know wad could happen in the next few years... Little did they know this is the story which change the gal's life since then and maybe even the guy's life...

[HoW cAn yOu Be FrIenDs wiTh soMeoNe iF eVerY tIMe YoU LoOk aT tHeM iT mAKes YoU wAnt ThEm eVen MoRe?]

This is the story of a guy and a gal... They enjoyed their first year together as a klass, young and innocent... But, things happened and the guy changed his opinion of the gal and the gal was saddened terribly as everybody in the class sees her differently from then on...

[SomeTimEs I woNdEr whAt yOu thInk oF mE.. .oR iF yoU Do aT aLL.]

This is the story of a guy and a gal... The next year, they were separated and split into different classes... Gradually, the gal made new friends and was not a outcast anymore... She began to have a crush on another guy and that was that...

[I wouLD hAvE foLLowEd hiM tO heLL iF hE asKeD mE tO aNd witH aLL hE puT mE tHRouGh, maYbE I Did.]

This is the story of a guy and a gal... In the following year, the gal gradually got over her crush as she knew it is impossible between them... It took her more than a year's time... The year was spent productively... The gal spent her time concentrating on her studies... As fate would allow, the gal somehow got a chance to be the guy's classmate again even though they were in different classes at first... But, they did not talk much to each other... And the gal thought their frenship is over...

[HoW dO yoU LeaVe tHe PaSt BeHiNd wHeN iT kEepS FiNdinG waYs tO gEt tO yOuR hEaRt, iT rEacHeS waY doWn deEp aNd tEaRs yOu inSidE ouT tiLL youR hEaRt tOrN apArT]

This is the story of a guy and a gal... Another year passed by... It was their last year in the school... They were classmates again... It all started with a simple dinner... Gradually, they became gd frens again since the dinner... The gal was thrilled to get one more chance to be frens again with the guy...

[YoU mAkE mE sMiLe fOr No rEaSon WhaT sO eVer, yOu mAke Me LaUGh aT tHe uNfUnnIesT ThIngS, bUt mOst Of aLL yoU mAke Me LOve YoU wHen I ShOuLdN't bE LovIng YoU.]

This is the story of a guy and a gal... The guy could always know wad the gal is thinking about even though the gal said nothing to him... Soon, things are becoming different between them... It all started with a simple online chat... Then, it grew into SMSing... Then, it grew into phone calls... From then on, things were different as the gal realised she is falling for the guy...

[A gUy aNd a grL caN bE juSt fRiEnDs bUt aT oNe pOinT oR aNotHeR, oNe oF tHeM wiLL faLL fOr tHe otHeR, maYbE tEmpOraRiLy, maYbE aT thE wRonG tme, maYbE toO LaTe oR maYbE, juSt maYbE.. foReVeR..]

This is the story of a guy and a gal... The gal could still remember wad really made her fall for the guy... It was the warm feeling that he managed to let her feel... She began to see him as a guy and not juz a fren... When he patted the gal on her head, looking at her with tender care in his eyes, it melted the gal's heart... She was totally head over heels in love with the guy...

[LoVinG yOu iS wHaT I'vE LeaRNeD sO eAsiLy. TrYinG tO FoRgEt yoU iS tHe LaSt tHinG I CoULd PoSsiBLy LeArN bEcAuSe I'm DeEpLy iN LoVe WitH yoU]

[Do yOu kNoW hOw mUcH it huRts ... tO bE stAndInG tHeRe iN uR aRmS ... fEeLinG Ur hEarT bEAt nExT tO mIne ... kNowIng tHat wE caNnOt bE toGetHeR? KnoWinG tHat yOu'rE sO cLoSe aNd yeT yoU'Re StiLL a miLLioN miLes aWay? It'S kiLLeR. My hEaRt iS sO miXed Up. It reJoIcEs aT tHe vErY thOuGht oF yOU anD crIes whEneVer yOu'rE neAr. AnD eVen tHouGh beInG "juSt fRieNds" iS peRfEctLy fInE, I cAn't hELp iT ... I juSt waNt tO Be wIth YoU...]

This is the story of a guy and a gal... The gal never admitted her feelings to the guy as she juz assumed that they could never be together... More importantly, he already has a girlfriend... And it was beyond her to snatch him over from that someone else...

[WhY iS iT tHaT I cAn TeLL yoU eVeRYtHiNg I'm FeELiNg, eXcepT hoW I FeeL aBoUt yoU?]

[HaVe yOu eVer ReaLLy cRiEd fOr somEonE moRe thEn yOu wAnTed To? HaVe YoU eVeR tRieD tO LOve hIm iN sPiTe Of aLL tHe pAIn? WiLL yoU keEp oN LovIng hIm, EvEn ThoUgh hE's wHiSperINg sOMeOne eLse's nAmE?]

This is the story of a guy and a gal... Of coz, the gal hoped that the ending will be of one whereby they lived happily ever after... But, unfortunately, that might only happened in fairy tales...

[AsK mE whY I keEP oN LoVinG yoU wHEn itS cLeaR tHAt u doN’t feEL tHè sAmE waY foR mE... tHe pRobLeM iS tHAt aS MucH aS I caN’t foRcE yoU tO LoVe mE, I caNt foRcE mYseLF tO sToP LoVinG yoU]

end of story... =) wrote this when i was in sec 4 if i nv remember wrongly... forgive me if it sucks... haha i was never much of a writer...

You hurt me more than I deserve; how can you be so cruel? I love you more than you deserve; why am I such a fool?

§ømEtiMês I wïsH I wäs å £ïttLe kiD aGaïN bëcAùsE a §çraped kNëe hûRts å löT lès§ thäN a bRokèN hêarT.

It hurts a lot, it'll always hurt. You'll always hurt knowing he's not thinking about you but thinking about her. It'll always hurt knowing that the one you care about the most hurt you the most, that he hurt you to a point that you can't deal with it anymore, eventually you learn to get over it somehow, not to forgive but to get over it. if it wasn’t love, u wouldn’t care... tat’s y the one u loved most always hurt u the most...

I’m tRyInG rEaLLy HaRd nOt tO cRy oVeR yOu CaUsE eVeRy tEaR iS juSt oNe rEmnDeR tHaT I dOn’T kNoW hOw tO LeT yOu gO...

It's hard to pretend you love someone when you really don't but it's even harder to pretend you don't love someone when you really do

HaVe U eVeR wOnDeReD wHiCh HuRtS tHe MoSt, SaYiNg SoMeThInG aNd WiShInG u HaD nOt, Or SaYiNg NoThInG aNd WiShInG yOu HaD?

Don't be too nice, don't be too sweet, don't be too thoughtful because I might just like it. And when I do, you might regret it, because when you're so nice, you make me forget that you're just a friend, nothing more, nothing less.

haha like the last one in particular since last time... =)

okiez yesterday went to subway to eat with joanne after school... then went home... then at night 10 plus, went to serangoon eat durian with my family... last minute decision... ahhh! durian rocks~ was actually quite moody yesterday but after eating durians, my mood was so much better! =) thanks to brother/sis-in-law for suggesting it... i love durians~ oh while we were there, something quite funny happened... the stupid durian was placed on the slanted table and it almost rolled down right on my knee area... haha but the guy who opened the durians was quick to catch it before it fell onto my leg... it was so close... hehe... but dunno y i began laughing after he caught it... cause i keep imagining the durian on my leg with the spikes inside the flesh... i juz can't stop laughing! haha quite sadist... and mama saw the durian dropping so she used her hand to try to stop it and she got pricked slightly... =( motherly love and her protection for me... i love my mama...

nothing much today... went home straight after school... think gonna take a nap or something soon... damn tired... still having difficulty in sleeping at night... hopefully all will be well soon...

go le~

.::CyCLiNg::.

hiyaz diary...

today went cycling with some jo benny kev yz and monkey... met at east coast park... then benson took us to this beacon... it's supposedly quite some distance from east coast park mac... but then the trip didn't seem that long... maybe cause have each other's company... haha... it's quite enjoyable! went past a lot of places i had never been to before... like the national sailing centre... the golf course... and the airport runway there... =) wad i enjoyed most abt the trip is the wind! haha... and of course the nice environment at that beacon... but on the way there, i like keep stopping and slowing everyone down! haha sorry... accident prone... fell 3 times but didn't hurt myself... lolz... then last part bumpy... i totally cannot make it lolz... have to walk instead... but the trip back was better... i didn't fall! haha... and the trip back got less people and it's more windy! super nice! i like =)

then jiu take cab go parkway eat... ate mos burger... =) wad else can i say besides "nice"... lolz... it's juz nice la~ then jiu shared cab home with jo and kev... phew... tired~ but happy... now slacking le... tml got school =( haha but shall be optimistic about it~

[ThErE's ThAt OnE pIeCe MiSsInG sOmEhOw... AnD i ThInK i KnOw WhAt ThAt Is... BuT i aLsO kNoW yOu WuN eVeR uNdErStAnD... i OnLy WiShEd FoR tHaT fEeLiNg To CoMe BaCk AgAiN...]

.::ShOpPiNg!!!::.

hiyaz diary...

today went shopping the whole day~ mindy came over my house around noon... dunno why she suddenly came also... she juz called me around noon and said she's on the way to my house... -_- then went out together with her and my mother...

went to bugis first... cause heard there got international food fair... but we nv bought any food cause too much people le... quite packed... haha then went to the street opposite parco to eat dessert... nice nice... =) then walked to suntec... shopped again... and i ate subway~ =D my favourite! then we walked to marina square... cause newly opened! alot of new shops... and we ate again... lolz... keep eating... then we wanted to take bus back to boon keng but cause got ndp rehearsal so no buses at that time slot... so no choice, we walked through citilink mall and went to raffles city to take bus back... but then, the roads there also closed... -_- so in the end we juz went to the only available bus stop to take bus and go chinatown... haha... a bit off point... then we walked at chinatown a bit before taking nel back... then went to mindy's house to get a vcd from her, then me and my mom went back le... legs quite tired... lolz but everyone of us bought something! =D

now slacking and planning to watch vcd le... no exams really quite shiokz sia! i wish there were more days of holidays... hehe... =D

[HoW dId EvErYtHiNg DeVeLoPeD tO tHe WaY iT iS tOdAy...]

.::SLeEp::.

hiyaz diary...

today is sleeping day! haha woke up at 10... preparing to go meet weile for breakfast... but then in the end never go le... then jiu slacked at home... best life manz! then 2 pm buay tahan... went back to sleep again... and sleep sleep sleep jiu 6 plus le~ haha the feeling when i woke up is the best! =D then bathed and had dinner... sis came over to have dinner today... it was a great dinner! haha... cause got my favourite dishes and nice soup! =D

i wish life were simpler sometimes... was watching lost yesterday... and got one man in the show got this tattoo that says: "living is easy with eyes closed" makes sense to me...

i miss him =(

.::OvEr Le::.

hiyaz diary...

long time no update... lazy to blog and also busy with studying for mid years... today exams over le~ nothing much to comment lolz... it's just another exam... after the last paper about 4 plus le... then went subway to eat with jo and maly... =D been about a week since i ate there... haha... as nice as ever~ whee... =p subway rocks my life~ =) and we laughed like mad at subway talking about the most silly things...

then come home... slack all the way... lolz... planning to watch tv like there's no tomorrow! haha... lame la...

hmmm... nothing much le ba... got one long weekend to slack... yes! =) gonna catch up on some sleep and with my good friends!

tues was weird... haha... i m studying in front of the computer... suddenly weird thoughts came into my mind... began to think about things there were quite long ago... the times i had in sec 4... it's like one and a half years ago... and i wasn't even doing anything but studying... then after the first memory came, it juz keep on coming... haha... those were the days manz... i feel so old now even though it's juz one year plus difference... haha... missed the times i had with certain friends... unfortunately, i am not in much contact with a few of them anymore...

i read a quote from an email before... it says: u dun need to change friends if u understand friends change... i think quite true ba... i always thot that we will all have different friends at different phases of our lives... although this is true for me, it doesn't mean i had forgotten about my old friends... we are all still friends ya... and not being with u all the time doesn't mean i dun treat u as my best friend... take for example, i had not seen 2 of my best friends in sec sch for about 3 to 4 months? we dun even talk on the phone... haa... but yesterday both of them met up with me and we had dinner together... we still talked like how we did in the past and to me, things are still the same between us... just like the past... and i was so happy after spending some time with them... they came my house after dinner and we had a great time too even by just watching tv... so yea... what matters is the heart ba! =D

okiez go watch lost on channel 5 le... =) nitey~

[ThAt FeELiNg Of bLiSs Is A fEeLiNg I wiLL nEvEr FoRgEt... =)]

.::InItIaL D::.

hiyaz diary...

today woke up at 915... a bit sianz cause the night before i actually didn't really sleep well... my eyes were actually wide open for an hour while i am lying on the bed before i finally drifted off to sleep at 3 plus... and i keep waking up after that... so, was in a pretty bad mood... but woke up early to bring my doggy to the vet... his ear infection didn't seemed to be getting better... so have for consultation at the animal hospital again... sat a cab there with mummy after we had our breakfast... the animal hospital is quite a cute place... well at least to me... then after we are done, went to wait for a cab outside the hospital... and hell... we waited for like half an hour and all the cabs are hired... =( so booked a cab instead... dropped mum off at redhill first cause she go play mahjong... then i went back to my house alone with my dog... and the whole trip was so damn long... 40 minutes... bahz... and i hate cabs cause i always get car-sick easily whenever i m on a cab... so u can imagine wad the 40 minutes to me is like... i feel like puking with every km the taxi moved... haha and the feeling is juz horrible la... but no choice, i always get car-sick... even in kor kor's car sometimes... but taxi ah is the ultimate... almost every cab i take, i will confirm get "cab-sick" haha i suck... =p then went home bathe... then jiu went out le...

went to meet weile and felix first at kovan... then we went ps to meet the others... we r the first 3 to reach... haha so wait lo... then all came le... then slack around at basement 2 by juz standing there and cause we can't decide who sit where, we juz anyhow take a ticket after shuffling it... then went cinema... then joanne came~ then went inside after buying food... hmmm... nice show ba... =) i enjoyed it alot... there were funny parts and cool parts... the races were so cool! haha not to mention those 3 main characters... =) and there's also some plot ba... plus a bit romance... =) lolz so many smiley faces... so lame~ but yea, juz to prove my point it's a nice show... haha...

then when finish watching, went to have dinner ba... initially planning to meet darling for dinner de... but then never meet in the end... so i juz went for dinner with those who went for the movie ba... then slack till 9 jiu go home le... came back watched lost... getting nicer and more mysterious? lolz... now blogging to kill time cause there's no point in me going to sleep right now also... i will juz end up staring at the ceiling in the dark... and yes! tml going study with chingz darling at subway again... though we juz met 2 days ago, but i still look forward to meeting her tomorrow... haha... i super stick her eh... like some super glue... shameless me... =p

okiez... nitey le~

.::EiLeEn'S wEdDiNg DiNnEr::.

hiyaz diary...

today morning and noon nothing much ba... spent my time at home studying... then at night went to amara hotel for wedding dinner... my sister's colleague eileen's wedding! cause my whole family is on quite good terms with her so she invited all of us... eileen looks so pretty! and their wedding photos are so sweet... haha but i guess every newly-wed is also lidat de ba? sweet and romantic at the start... after that what will happen nobody know also... =x but still i give them my deepest blessings... =)

come to think about it, i also long time never attend a wedding dinner with my whole family le... including my sister and bro-in-law... haha this time it's really everybody... =) and we juz talk at the table... the feeling cannot be described ba... i love to have dinner with everybody in my family on those special occasions like birthdays, father's day, mother's day etc... it's a time when i am thankful for that fact that i have them... we may not be a perfect family... but it's enough already... how do u really define what is a perfect family anyway... wad really matters is every member and the heart!

okiez enough of crapping le... go le~ nitey~

.::StUdYiNg At TaMpInEs SuBwAy::.

hiyaz diary...

today went to school for physics spa make up cause i couldn't make it for the physics spa 2 weeks ago... sighz... didn't really feel like going in the first place but then i dun wanna have to explain things and make up lies to the teacher when school reopen... so went in the end ba...

then after that went to tampines to meet chingz dear... went to our usual place subway... eat le jiu studied there... studied till 7 pm then went tampines mall's popular... she bought pens and notebook... me juz bought a pen refill nia... nothing here much ba... went home around 8... come back slack watch tv and now blogging... realised hols ending soon le... only 5 more days left... why does time fly so fast can someone enlighten me?

someone once told me... "happy moments are usually followed by heartbreaking memories" i guess it makes sense...

.::BoRiNg SuNdAy::.

hiyaz diary...

today was boring as can be seen from my title... woke up at 1030 at the stupid phone was ringing... but after that, i managed to fall back asleep anyway till about 1240... =D that is happiness... cause this time round didn't had all kinds of dreams and didn't wake up at all throughout the night... yes~ past week did not manage to sleep well... wake up, ate breakfast... but i had diarrhoea right after eating so i guess breakfast or no breakfast is the same... lolz...

then studied chem for awhile... but... i was chatting online at the same time... haha so can guess how productive i m la... =x then 4 pm lidat buay tahan... i went to sleep... ahhh! haha i m supposed to study not sleep~ that's why sometimes really can't study at home... will play comp will watch tv will sleep... but study outside sometimes also quite sianz and gets tired quite soon unless the mood is right... lolz... lidat might as well study in toilet next time... =x then mama keep come into my room at 530 to wake me up to bathe and eat dinner... if not, i think i would have sleep till 7... lolz... but despite her nagging, i still slept till 6... haha... lame...

then juz finished dinner... =D watching tv yet again... =( haha later 9 still got iron ladies 2! slack! okiez... shall go le~ nitey everyone...

[I wIsHeD i HaDn'T toLd YoU tO teLL mE tHaT sToRy... I wIsHeD i DuNnO aNyThInG aT aLL...]

.::A LoT LiKe LoVe::.

hiyaz diary...

today morning woke up quite early to study... cause know the rest of the day will not be free to study le... then 12 plus went to orchard preparing to meet chingz darling... but i reached a bit early ba... so i juz went to eat with mama and sister first... then ermmm... was quite late in meeting chingz... hehe... paiseh ah darling! make u wait for me...

then pei her go nike buy bag~ nice! =D then jiu slack around plaza singapura ba... then yay watch movie le! watched "a lot like love" it is really a nice show! enjoyed it quite alot... got one part when they playing the song by jet "look what you've done" i was quite sad... maybe cause that song was wad i always listen to ba last time during that period when i was quite down most of the time... so ya, when the song is playing in the movie, felt like crying... =x lame me... but it has a happy ending! =D

then jiu got to go le... cause tonight having early father's day dinner... so said bye to my darling! then went goodwood park hotel there to meet my family... went to this thai village restaurant and the food quite good ba... then after dinner jiu went shopping with my family at taka... to be honest, i was quite bored cause i dun really have the mood to shop... mama and sis in law spent quite a long time at this particular shop... so i was like standing outside and stoning for so long... crappy manz... keep thinking about things i shouldn't think about in the first place... then went home at around 10 ba...

off i go le~ nitey...

[I wiLL nEvEr Be AbLe To FoRgEt ThOsE fEeLiNgS oF hApPiNeSs... BuT yEs, I kNoW tHe FiRsT cUt Is ThE dEePeSt... WhY aM i FeELiNg aLL tHiS... wiLL wE eVeR bE aBLe To WaLk ThRoUgH tHiS tOgEtHeR?]

.::SeOuL gArDeN::.

hiyaz diary...

yesterday was a weird day for me~ hehe... by the time night comes, i was super hyper~ and can't even get to sleep... slept at around 2... haha maybe happy till hyper le ba... ^_^ ah but just happy...

today morning woke up went to school again for chem lessons! today lesson also quite slack... spent most of the time talking to my powerpuff gang... =) and slack! hehe then after school went tampines to meet chingz darling... i was quite bored while waiting for her so i went ntuc walk walk... haha like auntie eh... =p then she same le then went seoul garden to eat~ hmmm... this time nv eat alot as compared to last time... dunno y also... got full quite fast... but i still enjoyed myself... =) thanks dear! then jiu went home though i dun feel like going home so early... cause like a bit sianz ah... but can't find anything to do also... so no choice...

then came home dunno y i became hardworking~ lolz... i washed both my shoes, my school bag and another bag... haha and i mopped floor for mummy... changed my bedsheets too and threw it into the washing machine with my uniform... haha... sorta feel accomplished after finishing all that... =p

okiez now slacking again... haa... go off le~ nitey... =D

.::ThInGs HaPpeN fOr A rEaSon::.

hiyaz diary...

i realised all things happen for a reason... we may not understand why now... but sooner or later, i m sure we will understand...

.::MiNd In A wHirL::.

hiyaz diary...

today morning went back school for chem lesson... damn slack today ah... go through transition elements tutorial only... 1130 jiu can go le when lesson is supposed to end at 12... then after school initially planned to go subway eat with joanne... but in the end, we saw the guys and they persuaded us not to go subway... so we went han's instead... then eat le jiu went home le...

okiez, then came home slack... nv study at all... =( have been watching "The Notebook" on dvd... very sweet show! and rachel mcadams is quite sweet looking! then today mama cooked curry fish for dinner... then dip with bread... yummy manz! makes me all the more wanna learn cooking! haha hopefully, one day i can cook for my family and friends! ^_^

honestly dunno where r things leading to right now... everything is like juz whirling around in my mind... and i m tired of analyzing! wad i need is answers... but i dunno how to get them... =( but i told myself, i will juz cherish the way things are now... i dun wan to have regrets again... at least in the future, i can at least assure myself that i had made the best out of it instead of taking it for granted... and actually, i believe, it is all a matter of choices... since i made the choice, then i guess i will be ready for any consequences... and i will have no one to blame but myself... yes i know all this... but still can't help doubting myself on whether i m able to face reality when the truth really comes... maybe no one will understand ba... but it's ok... i m juz crapping to myself...

on a happier note, going to seoul garden with chingz darling on friday! i can't wait!!! cause i can talk all sorts rubbish with her again... =D

hmmm... quite tired now... shall go lie on bed rest rest le though i feel quite guilty for not doing any work... sighz... nitey~

[I hAvE gOt So MuCh To SaY tO yOu RiGhT nOw... So MuCh To AsK yOu... BuT i DuNnO wHeRe To StArT... dUn LeAd Me On If YoU dUn MeAn AnYtHiNg Ya... I dUnNo If I cAn DeaL wItH iT... i Am ScArEd...]

.::=D::.

hiyaz diary...

today woke up around 9 plus... went to bedok to meet him study... went with mixed feelings... scared and yet looking forward to it... was scared that it might be awkward but it was really ok i guess... =D we went to mac... both of us reached around 11.15 but i was slightly early... so yea... and he was quite sweet today...

hmmm... actually dunno how to describe how i feel right now... it's a little of everything i guess... happy, calm, tired, contented... bleahz... i also dunno~ mind in a whirl but calm in my heart... haha chim eh? i also dunno wad the hell i talking about... =p

off le~

.::EvErYtHiNg Is LiKe A dReAm NoW::.

hiyaz diary...

whee~ okiez after sat then i nv update le... but well spent sunday at home doing chem tutorial that's due on monday and studying physics! finally finish flipping through the physics notes le... hehe key word is FLIP~ then watched iron ladies... haha quite a funny show... =D then i dun remember wad i do le... hehe but the period when i was lying in bed and preparing for sleep was a happy one... =D then this morning woke up at 9 for chem extra lesson at school... haha time passed quite fast actually during the lesson cause i was sitting with the powerpuff girls! lolz... so we talked non-stop ah~ hehe it was quite enjoyable really...

everything that's happening now seems like a dream cause it's so unreal... sometimes i think so much about it that i have even started to doubt myself about if it really happened or did i juz imagine the whole thing up myself... =x ermmm... jenny once told me, sometimes things happen when we least expect it... how true she is! who would have thot things will turn out the way it is now... it's juz weird la the way things works sometimes... in general and on the whole... yeahz... dunno how to explain~ but someone please pinch me juz in case!

and yea, sometimes wish time can juz stop at that particular moment manz... i wish things will always be the same sometimes and they will not change for the worse... but i also know there's no such thing ba... things will always be changing and the world will always be spinning no matter wad happens to the people living on it... so well, wad i can do is to make the best out of everything and enjoy it while it lasts... must plant this firmly inside my brain so that i will remember it for life... must must must!

looking forward to tml! hopefully it wun be awkward ba... =D off le~ nitey...

.::CLaSs ChALeT 2::.

hiyaz diary...

today juz came back from the class chalet... was the second one we had... first day went to pasir ris first to meet kev and weile... then we went simei to meet joanne to buy the barbeque stuff... then we went east point eat... but joanne's car kanna scratched... i see le also feel abit sad... sorry ah joanne! hope ur car okiez now le! then she drove us to east coast park... then checked in ba... that time around 3 le... sorry to benny also for making u wait so long for us... then we slack in room awhile... and there's only 5 of us - me joanne kev weile benson... so we talk rubbish... then go rent bikes... then me and jo shared a double bike... fun~ went to east coast lagoon there to have a drink... hehe... not bad la slack... then uday called to say he reach le... so 5 plus we cycle back to chalet... then felix also come le... then we went out to begin starting a fire... then started the bbq ba... the others also slowly arrived le... then eat and talk rubbish... i watched maly swim with her sisters for awhile... then eat~ the food quite nice... lolz... thanks uday benny and jerrold for being in charge of cooking most of the time... =D i keep bbq-ing the marshmallows... very nice! =D then 945 lidat packed up cause most of them wanna watch lost on channel 5 at 10... so they went back watch... then me dine and benson decide to go 7-11 to see wad there is to buy... me and dine walked while benny cycled... then along the way, saw johnson they all with extra bikes cause they went to rent... so i took one and tried to learn to cycle... cause not much people ah... so i wun bang into people while i learn... then was damn happy cause along the way to 7-11, i managed to cycle for some distance le!!! hehe finally learnt it... ^_^ nice feeling! then reach 7-11 there... then me and dine shared a coffee bean chocolate ice blended... then benny bought his things from 7-11... then we cycled back to chalet... then reached chalet about 1130 le... then watched lost with the rest of them till it ended at about 1145...

then the guys went off to cycle to dunno where... then slacked in chalet for awhile... then me and joanne bored so we decide to go cycling also by ourselves... we cycled to bedok jetty... and manz it was quiet... not much people... haha if u ask me to cycle without her, i will freak out cause some of the roads quite dark and totally no people... then reached the jetty around 1 ah i think... then we sit there talk and enjoyed the cool breeze... shiokz manz! we talk and talk until 230 lidat... then i suggested going back chalet to get a drink and pee... lolz =x so we went back... then halfway back, we saw the guys... then we decide to go back chalet get drinks first then cycle back to bedok jetty again to catch the sunrise... then this second time when we cycled to the jetty again, me and jo realised how scary the route we took juz now is... it juz seems scarier... it doesn't make sense cause this time round, we got more people with us... haha... dunno la... then when reached the jetty already 4am le... and all our butts hurt like shit cause all our bicycle seats dunno why so hard... argh~ lolz i can't even sit properly when i reached the jetty... then me and joanne went to sit different benches this time round cause we thot we can have more space to lie down and sleep if we want to... but in the end, split le also nv sleep... then talked to jg... talk rubbish... then jo also got people pei her talk... then about 6am benson dine and weile reached the jetty... they walked from the chalet... sorry to them cause me and joanne took one of their bikes... hee~ then we all talked while waiting... but ah, 630 came and we realised the sky like turning blue liaoz... meaning we can't see the sunrise liaoz... =( think blocked by the flats ah... but then at that moment in time, the sky's colour really damn nice... together with the clouds... so we took pictures... the sky like blend in together with the sea and there's no clear division... that is already beautiful enough... i can't imagine how pretty the sunrise will be... but didnt have a chance to catch it... =( then cause not enough bikes, so some cycled back to chalet... me jo and dine walked back... then reach chalet about 730 or 8 le... jo went back and we sent her to the carpark... then went back chalet to bathe cause all of us stinks... then we went t mac for breakfast... again some cycled there and me, dine and kevin walked there... then eat finish went back to chalet... walked back~ reached chalet around 1030 le... then some guys left to go home sleep and come back later that evening and some people went home already... so only left me benson kevin weile and felix... then weile and felix went back they straight go to the bottom bed and sleep... haha lame them... then me kev and benny lie on the bed and talk... i was quite tired but then i can't get to sleep cause high in a way... maybe it's because the milo i drank at mac... noon came along and we lame around lidat until about 130 then we drifted off to sleep... haha for that 3 hours i also dun remember wad we do... like talk lame things and play lame games like trying to flip our phones around trying to get on top of another phone... haha people uses erasers to play that but we go and use phones... -_- and we took videos of us vanishing... it look so convincing la! when we watched it, we laughed like dunno wad and then weile and felix keep waking up to ask us keep quiet... =x but we like dun care continue making alot of noise... finally went to sleep... but unfortunately i sleeping on my phone and kev's phone... then yz called kev... at about like 2... so i kanna "vibrated awake"... sianz can... cause after that i can't get back to sleep le... keep flipping... only slept half hour... =( then jenny came! then we watched tv la... then 4 plus we went out to eat... juz the 5 of us... went to hawker centre eat... then monkey came... then we went arcade play while waiting for jg and yz to meet us... they reached about 7... then they went to yoshinoya for dinner cause they haven eat... then looking at them eat, the original 5 of us also tempted so we ate again... haha... then we juz slack at yoshinoya till 9 lidat... then went to giant buy some bottled drinks back cause no more drinks le... then cause got 7 of us so we split 2 cabs go back... then me jg weile and felix one cab... they bought ice cream to eat... and they gay in front of everybody at the taxi stand... they actually start to feed each other ice cream... haha i saw the guy behind us got this stunned look on his face... i buay tahan burst out laughing... then back at chalet at 945 le... i a bit tired out... so nv talk much... watched tv until 10... then cause yz brought his laptop... so they showed us this "comedy" variety show... it seemed funny to all of them cause all of them are laughing... but me ah, the whole 45 minutes show, i was like nv laugh much... cause honestly i dun think it's funny... haha... really dun get wad's funny! then yz showed me happy tree friends... haha now that one is really funny can... but this time round, the others are not really laughing as hard as me... so they say me sadistic... lolz~ but it really was funnier than the previous one... =x then listened to songs on his laptop and talked... then midnight le...

so me went bathe... then played cards with kev weile and benson for awhile... then 1 plus, weile slept... next is me kev ko~ then the others still high and playing with the laptop... then maybe too tired le, i slept like log... nv wake up once during the whole night... woke up at 640... then i realised like early so went back sleep again... then i noe weile 7 plus woke up... i waved to him then went back to sleep again... haha then 8 brush teeth and stuff... then come back sit on bed... then the other guys also woke up and playing games on the laptop... i watched them play awhile then i fell back to sleep again... lolz... pig... slept till 10 lidat... then wake up, all of us packed up then checked out le...

then me weile benson felix went to parkway eat... went to mos burger but i juz had a drink cause meeting chingz darling at 2 later to go subway and pass yz his birthday prezzie... then we shared cab home... reached home like 1 plus... quickly bathed but i still late la... reached around 3 at tampines... pass yz his prezzie then me and chingz went to eat subway le~ still as nice! =D

then me and chingz went to watch movie cause nothing much to do... watched mr and mrs smith... i like the show alot! i think it's very nice and it has a sweet ending... then i think angelina jolie very pretty worz... nv realise she's this pretty in tomb raiders... =) shuai ge and mei nu in the movie... then finished watching at 7... then like a bit early to go home so we went to mos burger to sit down and have a drink... =D sat until 845 then went home cause i a bit tired... sorry darling! then came home and blogged ba... quite long entry today... hehe...

okiez... i m confused right now! wad does it all mean... i dunno wad u r trying to tell me... izzit that i m thinking too much? i dun wan to be the stupid one again... sighz~ but again, i m already the stupid one le ba... if i m not, i dun think i will even bother so much now... haha feel like pulling my hair right now... dunno wad to think! oh ya, in the movie, i like this quote alot... ---> "it is only at the end when people start to think of the beginning" it's not the exact phrase but something along that context la... i think it's very true... at least for me... i didn't know how to cherish the times i had with u... and only when i lost it then i begin to think of how it all started... but by then, there's nothing i can do already... all i m left with is this thing call memories... no matter how hard i try now, i can't erase all that... is this really the right way to go? dun do anything if u dun mean anything at all ya? it juz makes everything harder for me and indirectly for u...

going off le... nitey~

.::StUpId ShIt::.

hiyaz diary...

ermmm dunno what to say abt some things la... maybe some things are juz not wad it seems always... and i feel like i have been too naive... why can't i open my eyes and look carefully and think with my brain instead...

i dun wanna make unnecessary stereotypes but it's juz so hard to deny the facts!!! and it's making me feel disgusted... yeahz... maybe i shouldn't be ba... cause it's not up to me to make judgements... and wad people wan to do is none of my business... but still~ *aRgH*

out~